Relationships are not about control. They are not about change. They are about growth and transformation. What I mean is that when you seriously get into a relationship and all relationships are serious the goal should not be to change your partner from his original person into someone or something different; that would be ethically wrong and could have serious negative consequences. I’m talking about the inevitable growth that occurs after any interaction. That growth is in fact a change in its positive form, that is, not in the common understanding of “change” but in a metaphysical sense of transformation. That growth and transformation is the stuff of EI.
Love is the mutual forgetting of one’s self and the willingness to sacrifice for your Beloved. It doesn’t mean correcting his perceived imperfections or judging him, but appreciating all of his qualities as essential ingredients that make him who he is. It doesn’t mean changing him or fixing him; no one has the right to do that to another person; who are you to decide, anyway. If you are right for each other, things will evolve over time, you both will transform, and the imperfections will become like the sparkles in a beautiful gem, your love, not hairs in your lobster bisque.
We talk a lot about control, especially in relationships. War is about control, relationship is about sharing. Once the urge to control comes into a relationship, the dynamics change and the relationship becomes a war zone. In our culture, men are forced into situations of control, but they aren’t taught or prepared how to control, that is, they are not taught boundaries. Control kills freedom.
Freedom is vital to healthy relationship; each partner must have the freedom to be himself, to communicate, to relate, to be playful, to be vulnerable, to surrender, each to trust the other, and to grow freely. Changing the dynamic of the relationship from freedom to control inevitably kills the spirit of the relationship, suspends growth, and isolates the partners.
So, in a nutshell, masculine Erotic Intelligence is firstly countercultural, because it rejects the toxic cultural conditioning and stereotypes that deprive a man of the freedom to experience the full range of his erotosensual capacities, and divests him of expression of this ŚivaŚakti Divine Masculine Spirit. Masculine EI is a development process involving all three aspects of a man’s being the physical, the emotional, and the psychospiritual in relationship with another man.
EI involves having the capacity to trust himself, to be in touch with his own physicality, to know his boundaries, and to mold his values – and how he feels, perceives, and expresses his own energies, while receiving and processing his Tāntric Lover’s gifts. By extension to the Tāntric Lover, EI becomes the mutual capacity to trust each other, for both men to be in intimate communication with his body, emotions, and spirit, and with the Tāntric Lover’s, to know boundaries and not to attempt to control, to be aware of mutual values and to communicate them to the Tāntric Lover.
Erotic intelligence is feeling your energy and learning to feel your partner’s energies, and to respond physically, emotionally, mentally in a way to nurture and to enhance mutual growth in your shared being.
Homoerotic Intelligence is yogic in many profound ways but most significantly in how it nurtures and cultivates the ethics of intrapersonal and interpersonal communication called relationship.
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