Relationships are not about control. They are not about change. They are about growth and transformation. What I mean is that when you seriously get into a relationship and all relationships are serious the goal should not be to change your partner from his original person into someone or something different; that would be ethically wrong and could have serious negative consequences. I’m talking about the inevitable growth that occurs after any interaction. That growth is in fact a change in its positive form, that is, not in the common understanding of “change” but in a metaphysical sense of transformation.[1] That growth and transformation is the stuff of EI.

Tāntric Lover

The transformation I am describing is a product of Love. A good working definition of love is this: the mutual self-forgetting and sacrifice for the nurturing of growth in your Tāntric Lover. Love can’t be one-sided; that’s infatuation and it all too often results in disappointment or suffering, which can be a positive outcome, but in most men, it isn’t perceived as such. In fact, the very word infatuation comes from the Latin “infatuare ” meaning “to make a fool of,” and means to inspire a foolish romantic passion in someone.

Love is the mutual forgetting of one’s self and the willingness to sacrifice for your Beloved. It doesn’t mean correcting his perceived imperfections or judging him, but appreciating all of his qualities as essential ingredients that make him who he is. It doesn’t mean changing him or fixing him; no one has the right to do that to another person; who are you to decide, anyway. If you are right for each other, things will evolve over time, you both will transform, and the imperfections will become like the sparkles in a beautiful gem, your love, not hairs in your lobster bisque.

We talk a lot about control, especially in relationships. War is about control, relationship is about sharing. Once the urge to control comes into a relationship, the dynamics change and the relationship becomes a war zone. In our culture, men are forced into situations of control, but they aren’t taught or prepared how to control, that is, they are not taught boundaries. Control kills freedom.

Healthy Relationship

Freedom is vital to healthy relationship; each partner must have the freedom to be himself, to communicate, to relate, to be playful, to be vulnerable, to surrender, each to trust the other, and to grow freely. Changing the dynamic of the relationship from freedom to control inevitably kills the spirit of the relationship, suspends growth, and isolates the partners.

So, in a nutshell, masculine Erotic Intelligence is firstly countercultural, because it rejects the toxic cultural conditioning and stereotypes that deprive a man of the freedom to experience the full range of his erotosensual capacities, and divests him of expression of this ŚivaŚakti Divine Masculine Spirit. Masculine EI is a development process involving all three aspects of a man’s being the physical, the emotional, and the psychospiritual in relationship with another man.

Respond physically

EI involves having the capacity to trust himself, to be in touch with his own physicality, to know his boundaries, and to mold his values – and how he feels, perceives, and expresses his own energies, while receiving and processing his Tāntric Lover’s gifts. By extension to the Tāntric Lover, EI becomes the mutual capacity to trust each other, for both men to be in intimate communication with his body, emotions, and spirit, and with the Tāntric Lover’s, to know boundaries and not to attempt to control, to be aware of mutual values and to communicate them to the Tāntric Lover.

Erotic intelligence is feeling your energy and learning to feel your partner’s energies, and to respond physically, emotionally, mentally in a way to nurture and to enhance mutual growth in your shared being.

The physical expression of EI is a lifestyle centered on masculine health and well-being. EI is a body-mind-spirit state born of discipline and selfless devotion, one that rejects toxic cultural conditioning and stereotypes that deprive men of the awareness of their Masculine Divinity and suppresses the natural freedom to enjoy healthy vulnerability, authentic surrender, and genuine trust in their relationships.

Homoerotic Intelligence is yogic in many profound ways but most significantly in how it nurtures and cultivates the ethics of intrapersonal and interpersonal communication called relationship.

©2020/2021. Homoerotic Tantra:Mascul-IN-Touch℠ and H.W. Vadney MDiv. (Daka Karuṇā (करुणा) T.). All rights Reserved. This document is considered proprietary and confidential. Permission to publish this article is granted provided attribution is recognized without prejudice to the author’s rights. Homoerotic Tantra:Mascul-IN-Touch℠, Homoerotic Tantra:Mascul-IN-Timacy℠, and Daka Karuna are alteregos of H.W. Vadney MDiv. Homoerotic Tantra℠, Mascul-IN-Touch℠, and Homoerotic Tantra:Mascul-IN-Touch℠, Hesion℠, and Mascul-IN-Timacy℠ are proprietary service marks claimed by H.W. Vadney MDiv.