I love men and I particularly love male energy. I find male energy not only attractive but balancing and nourishing to my own body, mind, and spirit. Masculine intimacy, ecstasy, and the flow of erotosensual masculine energy is a sacred experience. I believe that the purposes of the masculine intimacy connection include self-awareness, healing, self-realization, and transformation.
A man can use the energy generated through erotosensual intimacy as psychospiritual nourishment, and as a potent source of creative energy a.k.a. eros for actualizing a purpose and realizing meaning in life. The nourishing intimacy-connection is enhanced and amplified when the tāntric partners develop the skills for sharing the multi-ecstatic experience (see below).
In Tantra, I teach that when both tāntric partners are capable of synching the energies generated by their ecstasy, it can be channeled; when such energy is exchanged it amplifies.
When one Tāntric Lover experiences ecstasy the energy of his experience transfers to his partner and catalyzes his ecstatic experience. His subtle energy then streams back to the other, catalyzing his continuing experience. In the skilled Tāntric partners, the exchange can occur multiple times, sometimes simultaneously and other times sequentially. Most men have no clue that the male body is capable of this kind of ecstatic experience.
What is this mysterious ecstatic experience?
Well, it’s commonly called an orgasm but that’s where it gets dicey.
Because a man experiences ejaculation almost simultaneously with orgasm, most men have no idea that they are separate events, occurring differently. While a man has basically one type of ejaculation, he can experience multiple types of orgasm (see below).
What exactly is an orgasm?
There is no standard definition for the phenomenon. The word itself comes from the Greek ὀργασμός, (orgasmós) meaning “excitement, swelling,” but that’s not very helpful. In fact, most of the words describing male orgasm actually describe ejaculation. I Googled “orgasm words,” “orgasm synonyms,” “orgasm slang” and came up with more than 100 discrete terms for ‘orgasm,’ of which 58% clearly referred to ejaculation and 42% clearly referred to the neurophysiological experience apart from ejaculation. I conclude that the words men use to describe the neurophysiological experience make no distinction between orgasm and ejaculation.
This conclusion is buttressed by an official government definition of orgasm: “The final part of the sex act, which involves contraction of sexual organs and a sudden release of endorphins, leading to a feeling of pleasure. In males, orgasm usually occurs with the release of semen.” Another definition is, “an intense transient peak sensation of intense pleasure creating an altered state of consciousness associated with physical changes.”  Science is of little help.
“Orgasm typically but not always results from rhythmic stimulation of body parts with high concentrations of sensory receptors (citation omitted). This stimulation is typically achieved with either physical manipulation of the genitals from body-body contact, or sometimes from vibrotactile mechanical devices. Although orgasm-producing activities are usually focused on the genitals, orgasm is sometimes achieved by stimulating other body parts, and sometimes even through thought alone.”
But why all the confusion when speaking of male orgasm? Well, the root problem is simply the ideologies, beliefs, conditioning, and stereotypes of traditional masculinities.
Difference between Male Orgasm and Female Orgasm!
Consequently, women appear to have taken control of orgasm discussions; thanks to the prevailing masculinity scripts, men just don’t talk about their ‘orgasms’ like women do. Men have traditionally been deprived of the opportunity to talk about their inner experiences, their emotions, and feelings, and consequently have never developed an expressive vocabulary for them. The specialty field of psychology of men and masculinities even has terms for the situation: alexithymia or the inability to recognize or express feelings and emotions, or dyslexithymia, the inability to find the right words or use of the wrong words to describe them.
Whichever definition or description you might prefer, you should be aware that ejaculation is not orgasm; in fact, a man can ejaculate without orgasm and can experience orgasmic ecstasy without ejaculation. More on that later.
Guys! Your ecstasy potential is so much greater than medical science or stereotypes have led you to believe!
While learning to separate ejaculation from orgasm, and realizing your full erotic intimacy portfolio involves an investment of time, energy, and sometimes even money; the dividends are well worth the investment. But really, anything worthwhile or any real achievement in life requires an investment of valuable resources. You just have to decide that it’s worth it to you, and then just do it.
Types of Male Ecstasy/Orgasm
In accordance with my yogic tāntric orientation, I am going to dispense with the word ‘orgasm’ and all of its sociopolitical and toxic cultural baggage and simply refer to the phenomenon more descriptively with the homoerotic tāntric term ‘ecstasy.’
I identify at least eight different kinds of male ecstasy in our practices, including:
- Ejaculatory – The commonest male ecstasy experience in which ejaculation and ecstasy occur together.
- Anal stimulation – The extraordinary population of nerve endings in the anal region is capable of producing a state of ecstasy.
- Prostate stimulation – The well-known P-spot can be stimulated both externally or internally to produce a powerful ecstatic experience.
- Anal + penis combo – A very intense ecstatic state is produced when both the anus and the penis receive skilled stimulation at the same time.
- Blended prostate-penis – This is when both penile and prostate ecstasies occur simultaneously.
- Injaculatory – This is called non-ejaculatory ecstasy. The penis is manually, orally, or otherwise stimulated to the point of ecstasy but with semen retention.
- Non-ejaculatory w/o retention – This is a dry-type ecstatic experience in which there is no ejaculation but also no retention or block (bandha (बन्ध)) applied.
- Heartgasm – This is tantamount to true yogic tāntric ecstasy. The experience of an explosion of love and joy in the chest (anāhata (अनाहत)) that spreads in waves, ripples, shivers.
- Whole Body – Common neurophysical ecstasy is felt only in the physical body, generally in the genitals (mūlādhāra (मूलाधार) and svādhiṣṭhāna (स्वाधिष्ठान)) but true chakric ecstasy can involve all of the energy centers.
Read more – Dry Orgasm: What Causes it and What You Can Do?
In Homoerotic Tantra:Mascul-IN-Touch℠ and Mascul-IN-Timacy℠ I teach that the liṅgaṃ (लिङ्गम्) truly becomes a “wand of light” and an instrument for healing and awareness when he is skillfully used with knowledge and gratitude. Erotosensual ecstasy is your divine masculine birthright, so let’s take ownership of it, and make it ours, guys.
Now that you have a basic sense for male ecstasy orgasm, masculine ecstasy, I’ll get a bit more technical and practical in Part II of this series on Men, Masculinities, and Orgasm.
2] ↑ Alwaal A, Breyer BN, Lue TF. Normal male sexual function: emphasis on orgasm and ejaculation. Fertil Steril. 2015 Nov;104(5):1051-60. doi: 10.1016/j.fertnstert.2015.08.033. Epub 2015 Sep 16. PMID: 26385403; PMCID: PMC4896089.
3] ↑ Safron, Adam. “What is orgasm? A model of sexual trance and climax via rhythmic entrainment.” Socioaffective neuroscience & psychology vol. 6 31763. 25 Oct. 2016, doi:10.3402/snp.v6.31763.
4] ↑ I use the Sanskrit tāntric term liṅgaṃ (लिङ्गम्) to mean the erect penis, the phallus, which is also referred to as the anala stambha (स्तम्भ अनल) or "pillar of light (fire),"